By Liz Gordon-Hancock
How much “screen time” should parents allow?
When do you give your child their own cell phone?
Do you allow cell phones at the dinner table?

We all rely on technology: we’re more likely to leave the house without our wallet than our cell phone. We take it for granted that we can, at a glance, know the exact time, the weather, traffic, or who’s texted, emailed, phoned or posted on Facebook, and so on, simply by glancing at our smart phone.

In my household of seven, there are no less then three laptops, three tablets, and four smart phones.

I am so dependent on my cell phone that I’ll make plans to meet a friend somewhere, and we won’t even finalize the time or exact location until we are en route because we both assume we can text or call on the go. I will also not bother to look up where I’m going before I’m in the car, because I’ve got gps and navigation apps on my phone. This was impossible thirty years ago.

Ah, the wonders of technology and what they can do for us.

Amazon’s Alexa device can be very handy doing homework: “Alexa, where is Mt. Everest?”

My first experience of Alexa was visiting at a fellow mom’s house getting our gaggle of children together for a playdate. She kept saying things, such as “Alexa, set the timer for two minutes” when putting her toddler in time out, or “Alexa, turn the music down.” I thought her oldest child must be, first off, very responsible, and secondly, named Alexa.

I’m apparently not a tech-savvy mom.  (I don’t even do facebook, remember?)

But there’s a downside to technology, right?

Research shows we shouldn’t have screen time the hour before going to bed, because it hinders a restful night’s sleep.

The speed with which technology allows us to move enables us to focus more on width than depth of activities. Put another way, we’re focusing on the quantity of things we do, but less on the quality. I can do 20 things quickly or three things thoroughly. (Or if you’re like me, I can start 20 things, but get distracted and not finish at least five of them.)

I’ve been told long amounts of screen time are not good for the eyes, or the faculties. By screen time, I mean time using or viewing an electronic device, such as watching tv, or playing on the smart phone or tablet device.

So I limit the amount of time my kids watch tv.

I’ve adopted a chore list so that when my kids beg to play on the iPad after dinner, I have a list of household tasks they’re required to do before they even touch the iPad.

However, I’ve noticed that my kids are actually crankier and more defiant AFTER I’ve let them play games on the iPad. It’s as if an hour of Angry Birds, Matchington Mansion, and virtual coloring turns them into entitled, little so-and-so’s who balk at simple requests and complain about everything.

Instead of being thanked for my generosity in allowing them screen time, they usually whine and force me to micro-manage their every move just to get them into bed at a decent hour.

This has happened often enough that I’m asking myself: Is this the result of too much screen time or my parenting?

It’s hard to discuss using technology without also addressing the level of a child’s independence.

Take the cell phone dilemma: When is the appropriate age for a kid to have their own cell phone? 

When I lived in England, I regularly saw 14 or 15-year-olds hop on the commuter train, alone, and get off at the next stop to hang out at the local mall. I guessed that these trips were their first forays around town unchaperoned. So, the Brits arguably give their kids cell phones (although they call them mobile phones) around age 14-15.

But the answer is a lot more than when they reach a particular age. The answer depends on the kid’s level of maturity, the activities they’re involved in and the actual necessity for a cell phone.  It’s one thing to know where they are, and know that they have the means to contact you… it’s another for them to be trustworthy enough to use a smart phone solely for its intended purpose.

Another mom recently confessed to me that since her daughters started walking home from school unchaperoned, she gave them walkie talkies to use, “because they’re not getting their own phones until they’re twenty!” I thought this was a brilliant use of (older) technology – and a good side-step from the pressure of getting a cell phone for your child(ren).

I don’t have the answer. But I’m convinced there are smart ways to use all this smart technology, which harnesses the benefits and limits the harms.

Again, I refer back to Mama Bear from The Berenstain Bears books (with my paraphrase): “Goodness, I have nothing against technology. I like it. What I’m against is the smart phone habit – sitting in front of it day after day…” (paraphrased from The Berenstain Bears and Too Much TV).

I believe part of the answer lies in limiting how, when and where we use technology, for both ourselves and our kids.

About the columnist
Liz Gordon-Hancock, daughter of Bob and Deb Beer, graduated from BHS in 2000. She attended Ohio Northern University, and received her bachelor's in English Literature in 2004.

As part of her studies, she spent her junior year in Wales, United Kingdom, at the University of Wales, Lampeter, where she met her future husband, Robert Gordon-Hancock.

After graduation, she married and moved to London, England. She could hear Big Ben chime the top of the hour from their studio apartment. She commuted on a red, double-decker bus, crossing the River Thames, every weekday for work.

But London was not ideal for raising children, so the Gordon-Hancocks bought a house in Witham, Essex, where they had two children (under free, national healthcare).

After 10 years in the UK, the Gordon-Hancocks moved back to Bluffton to raise their kids in small-town America. They now have three children, Alenah (age 8), Isla (age 6) and Elliot (age 2).