Old Man Bluffton stopped in for a visit last Saturday. Since he retired to some place south of the Mason-Dixon Line – he won’t tell me where – I never know when to expect him. He looked good, though.

(I think he lives in Bluffton, South Carolina.)

Usually he makes a December trip here to pick up the usual Bluffton-made products for Christmas gifts.

You know, peanut brittle, Bluffton Icon coffee and the latest Bluffton Pirate and Bluffton Beaver sports ware.

He claims he attended “Messiah” performance last weekend, but I didn’t see him. Anyway, I invited him in and updated him on the usual “where’s so and so, and whatever happened to ….”

As he chewed on the peanut brittle, he naturally offered several opinions about Bluffton. Since he’s Old Man Bluffton, it’s his right to do so.

He’s still ticked off at ODOT for taking the stop light out at College and Main. He was happy to see the Triplett complex with a new owner. He was extremely excited about the new bike path to the interstate, although he said it ought to run all the way to Jenera.

I can’t repeat the words he used to describe the U.S. Postal Service, which he claims sends mail deposited in the drive-by box on Franklin Street to Columbus and then back to Bluffton for delivery.

Likewise, I won’t tell you about his opinion of the design of parking lot between First Mennonite and the BHS gym. He thinks you ought to be able to drive into the lot from Jackson Street and immediately turn right.

Try it sometime and you’ll get the drift of his thinking.

He told me that he really liked the artwork that Gregg Luginbuhl created for DTR. He said there ought to be more art works spread around town. He also thinks it’s great that the former Movie Gallery is being occupied.

I could have predicted this one: He told me that he’s glad that Lima Central Catholic left the Northwest Conference. I told him that I agreed.

Then he started in on things that he insisted that I “do something about.” Some of his ideas are just plain crazy. Other’s have some merit. Here’s what I mean:

He thinks Bluffton ought to have a dog park.

He also thinks that the school should come up with a separate mascot for girls’ sports teams. In other words, “Lady Pirates” is sort of goofy to him.

He said that there are way too many exits and entrances to businesses on Route 103 leading to the interstate. I told him that I couldn’t agree more.

And, he thinks there ought to be a Bluffton mural painted on the Family Dollar building. I think he just wants to be painted on it.

Old Man Bluffton insists that there should be a Bluffton High School alumni association with an annual banquet. As he put it, “Beaverdam and Ada have them, Why shouldn’t Bluffton?”

Finally, he insisted that there ought to be a label on every product made in Bluffton that reads – you guessed it – “Made in Bluffton.” You see he thinks that’s part of a community branding that is worth discussion.

And, if that’s not enough, he thinks churches ought to ring their bells on Sunday mornings.

He then asked me when Bluffton was going to start offering Halloween – none scary, of course – tours of Maple Grove, since they do it in Findlay. And insisted that we offer a John Dillinger tour of Main Street, since they don’t do it in Lima, but ought to.

Eventually he started rambling in his Swiss dialect. When this happens I know it’s time for him to go back to South Carolina.

He did tell me some funny jokes in Swiss that sounded hilarious. But I didn’t understand a word, and can’t repeat them even if I understood them, because this is a family publication.

I wonder when I’ll see him next.

He’ll probably bike into town with GOBA. I’ll keep you informed.