15 minutes with Peaches the Cat

So, I understand you're miffed because of the interview in The Icon with Ike the Iconoclast.

Miffed doesn't come close to describing my feelings.

So, what's this all about?

Ike's a dog, you nit wit.

And...

I'm a feline...member of the family that brought you the lynx, the puma, the bobcat, the saber-tooth cat, the...

Okay, I get it. So, tell me about yourself.

I am the real brains behind The Icon. Simply by transmitting my thought waves into the two humans in charge of the internet creation, which I invented, by the way, I generate story ideas, photo ideas, and all the creative material you read in this online publication.

Where do you get your ideas?

It's so simple you'd hardly believe me. When the first frost hits the ground I convince my human caretakers to give me the best chair in their basement. There I sit there until, oh, sometime in April when the tulips pop. By that time I'm so overloaded with ideas that it's difficult to keep them to myself. So, I transmit them using my thought waves.

If you can manage that, what kind of voodoo notions have you sent in Ike's direction.

He's a dog, remember. It's not too difficult to train dogs. I teach him to look cute, roll around on the ground, sniff trees and the fire hydrant in front of the house.

What other abilities have you, oh humble one?

Well, I'm a pretty good mouser. That goes for voles, moles, pill bugs, ants and those pesky sparrows at the bird feeder.

Tell me, do you believe that the war on string can be won?

There you go again. Sooner or later I knew that you'd bring that up. I have no comment on that subject.

Okay, is it true that you shouldn't give cats chicken bones?

That myth has been around way too long. Cats have been eating chick bones for thousands of years. Just to prove it, I know the phone number for KFC.

Is that why my Visa bill has all those purchases on it that I knew nothing about?

You're catching on, Steiner.

What's your idea of fun?

Sleeping in odd positions, whining until I get fed, and barking at squirrels.

My, with a head that big, how do you ever get through a doorway?

(With that the interview ended, and Peaches walked off in mid-sentence.)